The Wedding Down South

Love, life, luck? A look on the contemporary Muslim wedding south of India in God's Own Country - Kerala.

“All weddings are similar, but every marriage is different” – John Berger

India is known for its liberalizing economy, rising stature in the world affairs -- and the big fat Indian wedding.

The upper northern region of Kerala is known as the Malabar, with a predominant Muslim population. Contrary to what Berger said, weddings there not only differ from place to place but also from family to family. The notable factors are wealth, religion or educational qualification. But mostly the couple, no matter how wealthy, religious or educated, cannot remove themselves from the social norm.

Ahmed Rasheed met Fathima Ali at a chosen place under the supervision of a group of old people. Wealth, family status and even the grandfather's family (digging up gossip on the ancestors!) would have already been looked into and matched. All they are allowed is a five minute conversation.

The Ali family comes from the more rural district called Malappuram, while the Rasheed family is from the more urban district of Calicut.

After the initial meeting and a go-ahead signal from both Ahmed and Fathima, another gathering is called by the Karnavars (elders) to fix the date of the elaborate wedding. Rasheed and his relatives are invited over to the Ali’s to discuss matters. The elders fix the date according to the convenience of the groom's side;. The bride usually has no say, so Fathima sits and smiles while the ladies adorn her with jewelery from the future in-laws.

Once the date is fixed, the three-day celebration can be arranged, with every family wanting to outdo the other in terms of the show put on in a wedding.

The first night being the ‘Mehendi’ night. Fathima’s hands are intricately decorated with henna, a paste of freshly ground leaves making a temporary brownish tattoo. Older ladies gather around to tease her and sing, often horribly off key. Children dance to a choreographed song, and so do the teenagers, Fathima all the while smiling in the exquisitely designed bridal costume which would suit her more for a winter's day. The night is rattled by firecrackers and the air filled with the aroma of biriyani, a local delicacy.

The next day is the ‘Nikkah’ when the bride’s father hands over his daughter to the groom. Ahmed makes it to the lavishly adorned stage at Fathima's place along with his relatives. The exchange of vows is held, with a nervous Ahmed holding Ali's hands. The groom gives the bride a compulsory gift to complete the marriage. The meher can range from gold to a laptop to a piece of cloth, according to the groom's means. Ahmed offers the usual, a souvenir of gold for his bride to be. Lunch follows and then the bride is escorted to her groom's home, with women shedding plenty of joyful tears along the way.

Surrounded by her new in-laws, Fathima is asked to sing or dance -- the price for eventually being left alone with Ahmed.

The third and final day features a reception at the groom's home. Fathima's relatives come to "inspect" her new home. No home ever fails inspection, however, so the tradition is believed to be nothing more than an excuse for the woman's family to feed themselves at the groom's expense .

The day continues with more special meals by invitation from both families, capped by the groom's mother hosting all female relatives of the bride.